Monday 21st April: My training partner and Gracie Barra Birmingham team-mate Simon Small picked me up at 06:00 and we headed off through the rain towards Heathrow Airport.
We met Andy Roberts (Royce Gracie Sheffield), Marc Walder and Shane Smith (Royce Gracie London) at the baggage check-in, Jude Samuel (Gracie Barra London) was on a different flight and we were going to meet him at the hotel in Los Angeles.
Now to me Shane does not look like your average member of Al Queda, however this is not a view shared by the majority of the security staff at Heathrow. Even before checking in his baggage, he was stopped and questioned, then when he went through the main security check his hand luggage was completely emptied. After numerous protein shakes were found, the offending item, a fork for the purpose of stirring the aforementioned shakes, was removed and confiscated.
The 11 hour flight was taken up with a few films (Jackass, Narc and some chick flick with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock) some games on the personal entertainment system, and the usual delightful in-flight cuisine.
We all passed through US immigration without any problems, well all of us with the exception of Shane 'Bin Laden' Smith. After a re-enactment of the Spanish inquisition Shane was allowed to pass and we all moved onto Customs.
The customs guy asked Marc what he did for a living, 'Jiu Jitsu instructor' replied Marc. The Customs guy then stated that he could take him and explained to Andy that 'you should never to bring martial arts to a gun fight' whilst rubbing his pistol with glee. Thankfully we all managed to pass through without getting shot.
Marc and Shane were being met at the airport by a friend of Marc's and there was not room for all of us in the car so we decided on a Taxi to the hotel.
Top Tip #1 (Marc Walder)
Don't get a taxi from LA airport, use the shuttle buses.
Mark had lived in LA for 18 months whilst following the instructor programme at the Gracie Academy, so his local knowledge was greatly received.
Mark guided us to the shuttle buses and Simon, Andy and me piled into the mini-bus with our driver Errol and half a dozen others.
I'm not sure if LA shuttle bus drivers have to take the equivalent of "The Knowledge" if they do, I think Errol must have slipped through the net.
An hour and a half later, following a full tour of Torrance, we arrived at the Days Inn for the bargain price of $13 each.
We checked into our room, not saying it was small but we couldn't get the cat in to even attempt swinging it. Shortly after Jude arrived. Unfortunately he wasn't aware of Top Tip #1 and had got a Taxi from the airport. The 20 minute journey had cost him $30.
I believe that Faulty Towers is quite popular in the US and obviously the Days Inn had modelled itself on it.
I went to reception and explained I wanted to hire a car. The guy's grasp of the English language was very Manuel, and after turning down the initial offer of a jack to change a wheel, I finally got the number of a local Car Rental.
The next morning Jude came down to our room looking a little tired, he'd been woken at 1:30 am by the maintenance guy who was outside his room cutting some timber with a circular saw. The lift (or should I say 'elevator') seldom worked and most of the passageways and fire exits were blocked with building debris.
Jude decided to check out the breakfast that was included in the price. He returned with a battered banana, but abstained from the tar like coffee served in a dirty chipped mug.
One guy spent the entire time painting the concrete walkways so when you walked it felt like a cheap night-club carpet.
Roger Machado, Andy & Dave
On Tuesday morning we ordered a taxi for the 10 minute drive from the Hotel to the Machado BJJ Academy. Our driver was not Errol and surprisingly the journey took 10 minutes.
We walked in and Jude spoke with Roger Machado who made us very welcome.
As we entered the changing rooms a rather familiar looking guy held the door open for us, this was Dan Innasanto who, we were to find out is a regular at the Academy.
We had a nice light training session and I finished the session rolling with Roger Machado and much to the amusement of the others, earned the nickname off him of 'The Bull.'
Just down the road from the Machado Academy was Dollar Rent a Car. Jude, Andy and Simon had their hearts set on the bright yellow two seater soft top. I thought it might be a bit of a squeeze for five of us plus luggage and so opted for a seven seater people carrier.
In the evening we returned to the Machado academy for another training session, this turned out to be a 'who's who of BJJ'.
Carlos Gracie Jnr, Marcio Feitosa, Gordinio, Pae-de-pano, Rigan Machado and Todd Margolis to name a few.
Dave rolling with Roger Machado Jude rolling with Marcio Feitosa
One of the Machado black belts showed a nice variation on a take-down to arm-bar and then told us how good he was at knee-bars. When he rolled with Andy he seem determined to demonstrate this. We watched in amusement as Andy kept a solid defence to thwart the knee-bar attempts, even though Andy was about 30 kg lighter!
Jude rolled with Marcio Feitosa, Gordinio and a purple belt who should have been wearing a brown. I've rolled with Jude many times, and despite having about 10kg on him he schools me, I fully appreciate what an excellent fighter he is. But when you see him on the receiving end of a roll with the likes of Feitosa and Gordinio it makes you realise just how good these guys are.
Andy & Carlos Gracie Jnr Simon, Carlos Gracie Jnr, Dave
After training, Rigan Machado asked us if we would like to join them for a meal, and following a drive at Formula 1 pace, we arrived at a Cuban restaurant. Two car loads of Cops were in the middle of busting someone in a van, I parked at a safe distance, the Brazilians parked in the middle of it.
So there I am sat with Carlos Gracie Junior next to me, and Pae de Pano and Marcio Fetosa sat opposite.
Whilst many have marvelled at Pe de Panos' ability on the mat, I sat in awe at his ability to put food away, clearly this boy does not follow the Gracie Diet.
Simon, Marcio Feitosa & Dave
The next morning Jude and Andy went to look for a laundrette. They found a 'laundry mat' but after some confusion it transpired that they couldn't wash Gi's, but the lady explained they did offer a fluffer service for $2. Although it seemed like a good offer, the lads had to prioritise and set off to get their Gi's washed. Besides they didn't have a video camera with them.
On Wednesday we decided on a bit of R & R and headed off to the Beach
Andy Simon
Top tip #2 (Andy, Simon and Jude)
When navigating get your driver into the right-hand lane, about 50m from the junction tell the driver we need to turn left, this involves cutting across about 5 lanes. Despite the constant mocking of my driving and attempts to get us into a road-rage incident, I did not stoop to their level, and despite what they say I only recall two incidents where I had to be reminded to drive on the right hand side of the road.
We arrived safely at Hermosa Beach, saw some yellow lifeguard trucks, but there was no sign of any Pammie look-alikes patrolling the waters.
We stopped in Starbucks for afternoon refreshments. Aware of a smell something akin to a sumo-wrestlers jock-strap I turned around to see the local bag lady. Luckily she ignored my easy on the eye looks and made a b-line for Jude "hey brother one love" she touched Jude's hand "hey baby why are you so cold?"
I'm not too sure if it was her matted dirty hair, black teeth or the smell of piss, but Jude declined her advances (although I think he got her number for later) and tried to palm her off on me. I managed to fend her off (with the threat of a bar of soap) and pointed her in the direction of Andy, who was not interested in Jude and my cast offs, and so she left without her 'one love'.
The Gracie Academy: Torrance
We travelled from the beach to the Gracie Academy in Torrance, Renner was taking a class in the upstairs hall and Ryron was doing a private lesson downstairs. We had a look around the recently opened Gracie museum and signed the visitors book.
On Thursday some of the guys took a trip to Long Beach, they discovered a definite lack of babes running around in red swimsuts and that it is indeed a very long beach. On the way back to the Hilton they discovered that if you want really long, you need to sit at a railway level crossing waiting for a ten mile long freight train to go past at the speed of a hunting turtle.
In the afternoon Simon and I dropped Jude and Andy off at the Machado Academy and headed off to LAX to pick up Braulio Estima, our resident Instructor at Gracie Barra Birmingham.
Top Tip #3 (Braulio Estima) make sure your ears are clean before undertaking a long haul flight.
Braulio was not his usual cheery self, he was feeling sick, had a bad headache and was feeling dizzy. Following a trip to the pharmacy it was recommended he went to the local medical centre.
We all piled into the car and 10 minutes later arrived at the centre.
Upon examination it was found that Braulio had a build up of wax in his ears which had caused pressure problems during the flight. A simple syringing of the ears would solve the problem. Andy and Jude were sat in the waiting room, thumbing through 'Cheerleader Monthly' when they heard Braulio's screams of pain. One hour and $152 later, Braulio's ears were cleaned and we were ready to go.
